My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
