I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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