I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
