So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry about my life...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
