she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
