are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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