I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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