I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
