Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
