my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
