I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
