I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize