Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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