This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
