Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
