that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
