im having a threesome with these popsicles
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
