i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
