I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
