Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
