Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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