fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
