that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
