I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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