I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
