Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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