I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
