what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
