I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
