I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
