Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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