i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
