I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
