I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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