I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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