On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
