I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
