White coat. Heels.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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