I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
third nipple confirmed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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