Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
