direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
