highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
