just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
