I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
