Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
