the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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