When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
