**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
