What did we do last night that was yellow?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
