YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
