You're earring is so big in my mouth
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
