You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
