I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
