He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize