He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
