Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
