Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think your dad took our porno
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
