filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
