i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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