my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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