Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
