____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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