I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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