Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
