If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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