we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
try to milk me bitch
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
