Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
