Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
