I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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