you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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