sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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